Fear of Flying

This new security process is making me terrified to fly, but I really have no viable options. My elderly parents live 3000 miles away, and that is too far, and too expensive, to take a train.

Some people have implied that we shouldn't complain, because this was publicized beforehand. I don't know when or how the "enhanced pat-down" was publicized, but I just heard about it in the past few days. I'm flying within a week, and it's too late to change those plans.

Others have also implied that the search isn't that invasive, or isn't any different than what was performed before. From everything I've read and seen in the news, that is also not correct. I've had a pat-down before, but no one has previously touched my genitals, or ran their hand between my buttocks or under my breasts. I just don't think I can take that. Being an older, overweight woman, I have a lot of folds & crevices that might make TSA feel they need to inspect me more thoroughly.

I am also an abuse survivor, and disabled. I cannot stand to be touched - not just because of the abuse, but also because of nerve damage and pain from multiple surgeries. I have not had anyone touch me in the areas being described in over 11 years, and no, I'm not looking forward to it.

One of my fears is that I will not be able to stand up in the body scanner, and therefore be forced to submit to the pat-down. I have to use a rolling walker to get through the airport, but of course I have to go through security without it, or my cane. I also wear pads for bladder control problems, and I'm afraid that I'll be subject to the pat-down for that, too.

Altogether, I've already started having nightmares and losing sleep over this. Traveling is difficult enough with my other disabilities, without being subjected to emotional trauma and humiliation on top of it.

I just don't understand how people can say that the wars we're fighting are to ensure our freedom, when it's obvious that our freedom is being rescinded. If we're doing this to fight terrorism, why do I feel like I am being terrorized?

I'd like to encourage anyone else who's concerned about this to check out the site Fly With Dignity.

Where I lose the dog and freak out

I just popped 2 Xanax, and I'm chasing them with a wine cooler. Hopefully they'll kick in before I have an anxiety-induced heart attack. I almost lost my dog, Michoud, at 4:30 this morning.

Michoud & Jasmine needed to go out, and a thunderstorm was just passing, so I took them out in the carport on their leashes. There's an area where they can pee in the weeds under the overhang of the roof. There are also saplings coming up there, and Michoud keeps going around them so that I can't get her back without letting go of the handle of the retractable leash & pulling it around the tree. The other night this worked okay. This morning it didn't. As soon as I let go of the handle of the leash, she took off.

Here you need some background. First, I'm disabled. I have to walk with a cane, a slow walk is my fastest speed, and I can easily fall down. If I fall down away from something to grab onto, I might not be able to get back up.

Second, I live two houses from the corner of a busy, four-lane street. Also, Michoud is not traffic-savy. There would be no reason for her not to run straight out in front of a car.

Third, and this is the lucky part, I guess, I live directly across the street from an elementary school, and the grounds are mostly fenced. The few times that Michoud has dashed off, that's where she's always gone. This time was the same.

If I hadn't panicked, I might have thought to grab a few doggy treats & my car keys, but instead I just pushed Jasmine inside the door and took off after Michoud. This was incredibly stupid, but there it is.

I mostly kept her in sight as she ran all around the school, but I had to take my shoes off & wade through lots of ankle-deep puddles. The school is also being worked on, and the grounds are full of big parked semi trailors, so I had to thread my way around those.

I followed Michoud about 2/3 of the way around the school, whistling and calling, before I realized she was heading around to an area that's too rough for me to follow. I gave up at that point, and used my head. I started back for the house to get treats, the car, and my walker. Yes, I need a wheeled walker to walk very far or very fast, and to keep from tripping over stuff & falling down.

While I was headed back around the opposite side of the school from where she hopefully was, a big garbage truck pulled in on that side and emptied the dumpster. I didn't hear her bark, I was almost back to the street as it headed back to the main street, but I didn't see her following it.

I finally got back to the house without falling down, grabbed my keys and stuffed some treats in the pocket of my housedress. I threw my walker in the back seat and drove around to the school's back drive, where the dumpster is. I got lucky again, because the gate was open, so I could drive down next to the school. I rolled all the windows down & whistled several times. About halfway down the length of the school, I finally saw her. I called, "Michoud! You wanna go for a ride?" and she ran right over, wagging her damned tail. I gave her a treat and put her filthy, muddy ass in the back seat.

Right now she's in the doggy time-out room (the storage room that lets onto the back yard). I figure I might be able to look at her in the morning without strangling her. Especially if these damned Xanax ever kick in.

Oh, for some reason, the gecko that lives in my carport apparently decided to jump onto the back window of the car and go along for the ride. I didn't notice him until I was pulling back down my driveway. This is a terrible picture, but here he is: